About LOVE

關於愛情的小二三事

有時候，我喜歡在Instagram上發問，想知道你們的想法，想我寫什麼呢？想不到的，是有朋友叫我多分享「有關愛情」的事。

寫作靈感大多來自個人經歷，我也非「愛情專家」，戀愛次數，一雙手數得完。最大原因是我不容易喜歡上一個人，當然，同時由細到大我也不是多人追的女生——在男生眼中，大概我也不是gf-able的女生，安靜又帶點獨特的「奇怪」；but it’s ok，懂性以來，我也相信「有緣就會遇上」。不過，從這十多年的小小經驗中，慢慢地看到了一些自己在關係中的缺失。這些經驗，都提點著我在下一次的關係中，要怎樣去愛，怎樣成為一個更好的人。

Sometimes, I love asking you guys about the blogging topic on Instagram. Few days ago, one friend suggests that she is interested in reading more about “love & relationship” - which I was quite surprised.

My writings are usually inspired by story of my life. And by no means I could claim myself as a love & relationship expert (sorry, I have just a few serious relationships in my “history”). But, I guess through out some up & downs in these years, I have understand much more about myself & my partner; and thus maybe I could share some little reminders (for myself) in building future relationships. Or more importantly, and simply, how to be a better person.

Partner, not Boyfriend/ Girlfriend

還記得小時候二人三足的遊戲嗎？請放棄「男朋友、女朋友」的慣性稱號吧！一段感情當中，其實我們是希望找個可以一人一步、步伐一致、陪伴大家一起走下去的人。關係當中包括了信任、支持、尊重及互相成長。伴侶(Partner)，這個名稱其實更合適。

Still remember the “Three-legged Race”?
Give up the usual names of "Boyfriend or Girlfriend". In a relationship, in fact, we want to find someone who can walk together along the way in a similar pace. It is about the accompany, which includes trust, support, respect, care and mutual growth. “Partner”, which means a pair of people engaged together in the same activity, is much more precise when we come to talk about a relationship.

在他出現之前 Before he/she comes

了解自己、接受自己。如果一部分的你還是空洞、未知的，期待有一個人出現就會把它解決的話，對不起…… 這是不可能的。即使在短時間內，他的存在填補了你一部分的空虛；時間一長，要不你會感覺太依賴對方，要不就是覺得自己好像比以前空虛了。我喜歡一個比喻，說一段關係，不是0.5+0.5=1，是1+1=我們——不是倚賴別人來完整自己，而是要一起走出完整的人生。別急，好好認識自己、更深的了解自己，對的人便會出現了。

Don’t be hurry, please spend time to know yourself and befriend with yourself. If part of you is still feeling empty, and expecting the “Mr./Miss Right” will magically solve those problems, I'm sorry ... this is IMPOSSIBLE. Even if his/her presence fills a part of the feeling of emptiness at first, as time goes by, you will either too dependent on your partner, or you will feel even emptier than before. There is an analogy, saying that relationship is not 0.5 + 0.5 = 1, but 1 + 1 = us. We are not relying on others to complete ourselves, but by having each other accompanied, we figure out our life together. Know yourself well, understand your mind, and the right person will … Tada! He or she will be there.

在他出現之後 After he/she comes

一，有記性。
一開始你為什麼覺得這個人特別，第一次認真看著他眼睛的感覺，第一次擁抱的感覺。這些感覺都是非常個人和獨特的，也是幾段感情過後，我學到的第一件事——要把它們都放在心頭，好好記著。在一段關係中，我們會很容易習慣大家的存在，很容易take each other for granted，慢慢地就忘記了彼此的特別、觸動到你內心的地方。時刻懷著感恩的心，去欣賞對方的每一個舉動，也許是保持關係甜蜜的秘訣。

First, have a GOOD MEMORY.
It is all about why you started. The very special human being in front of you, his/ her beautiful eyes, the intimacy between you two… These feelings are very personal and unique. In a relationship, it is easy to take each other for granted, slowly forgetting the special feelings and loving moments. Always with gratitude, admiring each other may be the secret to maintaining a loving relationship.

二，別小覷原諒的力量。
現世代，我們追求平等，追求完美的對象，對方稍有犯錯稍有缺點，我們就覺得：這個人不太值得我去愛。放棄成為了很容易，也大不了的事。可是，我卻覺得應該要聆聽自己心裏的聲音。除了表面的對錯，你有想過對方為什麼會犯錯嗎？嘗試去了解對方的想法，去明白對方。最重要是，「如果明天是世界末日，那今天的你還會選擇去愛他嗎？」Bingo，你內心就有答案了。

Second, don't underestimate the power of forgiveness.
In modern times, we pursue equality and always hope to look for a perfect partner. If he/ she makes a few mistakes, we may feel that this person may simply not the one. It is always easy to give up on a relationship. However, apart from the “who is right and who is wrong”, have you ever wondered why he/she made the mistake? Try to not be caught in your own thoughts, but to understand his/her situation behind the mistake. And, "If tomorrow is the end of the world, would you still choose to love him today?" Bingo, you have the answer in your heart, listen to it, trust your intuition.

三，不再為小事動氣。
一時周圍放的污糟衫、偶爾忘記了的重要日子等等的小事，不要太在意而動氣吧！不發脾氣，其實你可以選擇好好的解釋，又或者以一個輕鬆、開玩笑的方式去取代。別忘了，一段關係，一段partnership是互相支持不完美的大家一起走下去；而支持、鼓勵永遠也比負面情感奏效。小事情，一起笑笑，然後改過吧！

Third, don’t sweat the small stuff!
Maybe it is the dirty laundry all over the floor, the important event that he/she occasionally forgets… and so on. There are 90% of the stuff that your partner did annoy you! But hey, before losing your temper immediately, can you think of something else to react? Explain to each other by teasing or making a joke of him/ her? Don't forget, a partnership means to support encourage each other along the way, even if we are not perfect. A positive attitude is always the key. Don’t sweat the small stuff, just laugh it out and change!

四，不要停止做最好的自己。
不要停止、拒絕成長。即使走的路不一樣；但步伐一致，是走在一起的關鍵。

Fourth, don't stop being your best self.
Don't refuse to grow even in a comfortable relationship! Mutual growth, support and encouragement are the keys in a long-lasting partnership.

許多人說，遇上對的人，會完整了自己。我卻認為，遇上(認識)自己，好好專注發展自己，你自己便是對的人。有趣的是，當你不覺得有任何缺乏的東西，甚至不缺乏一段關係之時，那個對的愛人，就會被你吸引到、出現了。

When you start understanding yourself much more, focusing on your own growth, you will attract the right person. When you feel there is nothing lacking, the right one, will be attracted to you.

with love & blessings,

Charlotte

PS: HELLO!

Jessie Jing, the beautiful cover girl in the photo, is publishing her first book 《Manuscripts of the Mind》.
The book is a series of poetry and prose dedicated to and inspired by the fantastical world of the bipolar mind and how one journey through the metamorphosis of one’s state of living to a state of being.

Pre-order available: 《Manuscripts of The Mind》